Monday, January 16, 2006

Attorney General John Ashcroft Breaks Bread...and Wind

Here's an oldie but a moldy... Former Fascist-in-Chief John Ashcroft professes to belief in Jeezus H. Christ, but he lacks faith in our civil liberties. Is Ashcroft's anthropomorphic god not strong enough to prevent citizens from discussing terrorism, illegal wars, the Bill of Rights, drug policy reform, and Paris Hilton, assuming that's what his supremely-supreme deity truly desires? It appears that modern pharisees simply annoint themselves with Vaseline and hock crucifixes like salvations on sticks, defecating on the Constitution, wiping their pimply buttocks with a flag in front of money-clad gherkin-jerkin' CEOs who come to buy Caesar, not to praise him.

Ashcroft composed "Let the Eagle Soar", which he sang at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary in February 2002. He wrote and sang many other songs and created compilation tapes, including In the Spirit of Life and Liberty and Gospel (Music) According to John.
He teamed up with Senators Trent Lott, Larry Craig, and James Jeffords, to form a barbershop quartet named The Singing Senators. Sometime in the 1970s, Ashcroft recorded a gospel record entitled TRUTH: Volume One, Edition One with Max Bacon.

Ashcroft's singing? It's nothing like a chorus of angels, but if your taste includes overwrought patriotic anthems with bland Muzac-styled backing, his voice is actually tolerable. Personally, my favorite line in this little ditty is "Only God, no other kings". If Ashcroft really means that, then why is he using the power of his political position to proselytize? Does he secretly believe the government is God? Is he a fundamentalistic nationalist?

Let the mighty eagle sooooooar...over the Justice Department to excrete a speckled bomb (Bush cronies and NSA agents take note, the bomb refers to a mere bird-turd, not an explosive device), plopping it right on Ashcroft's flag-waving lapel pin. Now wouldn't that make great copy?!

Got your ears plugged, folks? Good. You have been warned. Here's your tax dollars at work...


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