Friday, October 07, 2005

Inquiring Minds Ask: What's Paris Really Hiding in That Purse?

Don't get me wrong. I can't relate to the diversionary bullshit obsession with Hollywood celebrity gossip, but an E-chum named Flirty Kitty called my attention to a bizarre cultural development, propogated by Paris Hilton and emulated by sassy women across the globe - the phenomenon of pup-in-purse. It got me thinking (a definite danger signal), so please bear with my crass, masculine perspective...

It occurs to me that most of the women I've met treat their purses like their vaginas. Now just hear me out. If a man should ever dare to reach out and violate the sanctity of the space inhabited by the opening (labia) of the purse (vagina) without asking first, the opening will snap shut so tightly, even Aladdin won't crack that sesame! Additionally, women are generally protective of their purses. They are particular about what goes in and what comes out of their leather sanctuaries. The purses will start out clean, then build up waste over time, until they are purged and cleansed - only to begin the cycle again.

No, I am not a misogynist. But I am a writer, adept with symbols, and I know a valid vaginal metaphor when I see one.

The dog in the purse is such a Paris Hilton thang. The implicit message is that of the classic media motif (penis in vagina), but with a deeper (no pun intended) subtext - some men (by all means, not me) transform into quivering Tinkerbell weiners, totally engulfed by vagina, when Paris struts her stuff. They become no less than Toy Chihuahuas.

Vulgar? You bet. And it's all over the airwaves. God, I love America!


Blogger defjef from the far left said...

i wouldnt stick my hand in paris hiltons purse without a rubber glove

but id fuck her raw


10:32 PM  

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